Children need 4-6 involved caring adults in their life

Why Intergenerational Mentoring is Important

Intergenerational contact isn’t just “nice.” It is essential. Intergenerational contact enables young and old to learn from, enjoy, and assist each other. It can help to overcome the social isolation of both generations, and lay the foundation to address some very real problems facing individuals, families, and communities.

An ever-increasing number of children are growing up with little hope of enjoying the benefits that come with adulthood. They aren’t learning the social skills they need, gaining the knowledge they should from the education system, or learning how to make the transition into the labor force. They don’t know how to be responsible parents themselves because they’ve had limited experience in family life and lack the resources to raise their own children. Too many young people have few opportunities to engage in a close relationship with a caring adult. Classrooms are full of students struggling to cope with the effects of living in poverty, with language barriers and special needs, with the temptation to abuse drugs or alcohol, and in danger of violence at home and in the streets. Young people need someone with whom they can feel emotionally safe, and a mentor is often just that person.

A mentor can be the difference that makes a difference to a child. Said one teacher involved in an intergenerational mentoring program, “I don’t have scientific proof that older persons make a difference in the students’ academic performance. And yet… on the days that older adults come in, students don’t miss class and they are more focused.” Commented a parent whose child was involved in an intergenerational program, “Thanks to the seniors, my child is more respectful and listens more.”

One research group looked at cumulative data from senior volunteer programs in schools over a seven year period. The teachers reported gains by students working with older adults: 93% of teachers said students experienced social growth; 87% reported gains in academic performance; 96% said students developed a more positive attitude toward older adults. Emmy Werner, a developmental psychologist, followed 500 Hawaiian children growing up in poverty on Kauai. Examining their lives over a 30-year period from birth to adulthood, Werner found that the youth who managed to make it, against all the odds, all could count on the support of a caring adult other than their parents. Anthropologists William Kornblum and Terry Williams followed 900 children in urban and rural poverty across the US, concluding that “the most significant factor” determining whether teenagers would end up on the corner or in a stable job was “the presence or absence of adult mentors.”

Children need adults in their lives. And older adults need children, too. Recent findings from the MacArthur Foundation study on successful aging have indicated the two conditions most closely tied to prolonged physical and mental well-being in later life are productive engagement and strong social networks. When older adults volunteer in schools and youth programs, they achieve both these goals. They develop friendships with students, staff, and other volunteers; they feel useful and socially validated; they feel challenged; they experience increased self-esteem and personal growth; they feel a sense of pride in making a contribution to schools and education; and they feel as though their years of living are worth something.

We live in an age of hero-worship. A “hero” is someone whose achievement you admire and who inspires you to greatness. On the other hand, a “role model” is someone you admire as a person and whose behavior, attitudes, values, and beliefs you want to emulate. A mentor goes even one step further. They are someone who not only serves as a role model, but who takes the time to develop an active, personal interest in helping a young person grow up to be the best kind of person they can be. With heroes, celebrities, and sports stars, you catch a momentary glimpse of them – in greatness or defeat – but have no sense of the substance behind the glory. Heroes come and go. A mentor is in it for the long haul. Our young need more mentors.

In her book Lanterns, Marian Wright Edelman writes about the many mentors who influenced and inspired her throughout her life. These included her parents, older adults in the community, teachers, ministers, and civil rights leaders. In particular, she describes older women in her neighborhood who, having no children themselves, took on a nurturing role. They made her feel safe and cared about. They also encouraged her:

[My mentors] all stressed how to make a life and to find a purpose worth living for and to leave the world better than I found it. Their emphasis was on education, excellence, and service. [They] encouraged me by work or example to think and act outside the box and to ignore the low expectations many have for Black girls and women.

Without real, live human beings as mentors, what happens is that pop culture fills the void. Media figures play an increasingly prominent role in young people’s lives as changing social and demographic patterns continue to weaken and fragment social networks and a sense of family and community. Research has shown that teens often form attachments to celebrities. The relationship with a star can seem as real to the young person as a real relationship they have with family members or friends. Celebrities affect the young person’s sense of identity. They guide the identity development process by modeling behaviors, attitudes, and values. And many young people will go to great lengths to emulate celebrities, as is evident by the popularity of celebrity clothing lines and products. The significant influence celebrities can have on teens is of concern, particularly when there are no alternate role models to provide balance.

Research has been done with disadvantaged youth living in group homes and detention centers for juvenile offenders. When asked about the jobs they expect to have when they finish high school, the most prevalent response was sports star, pop music star, or movie star. This is more than a teenager expressing high hopes. It is a lost person expressing unrealistic hopes. These young people have no idea of the work, luck, politics, and tradeoffs behind the success of many pop culture figures. Their unrealistic worldview prevents them from pursuing an education and developing skills that would help them get into good jobs that are attainable.

It’s also interesting that some research shows that social comparison with popular figures sometimes leaves young people feeling demoralized and discouraged, particularly when the celebrity has achieved some seemingly unattainable level of success. For example, when asked how they felt when they thought about their idol, young people have reported feeling anxious, disappointed, sad, afraid, and even depressed. Everything in the media is presented as bigger than life, and it’s no wonder that young people feel they can’t measure up.

Young people don’t need more celebrities and media hype. They don’t need more contact with immature peers. They need contact with caring, involved adults – parents, grandparents, teachers, mentors – who can give them practical guidance and information about real life. And to be an effective mentor, to make a real difference in a young person’s life, you don’t have to be a Gandalf. You just have to be someone who cares and who is patient. You don’t even have to have it all figured out. Many times, the young just need guidance to help them do the simplest of tasks to get through life. 90% of living consists of simple, practical activities like shopping for groceries and balancing a bankbook.